MC and HNY

That's, "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year." My apologies for not blogging. Again.

I have been quite busy and have now started my first clinical rotation for nursing school!! Yay. We have the best clinical instructor ever, but she always keels over laughing at us and repeatedly tells us that she does not remember ever experiencing what we do-- perhaps she learned things through osmosis that we are learning through trial and error. Haha. Oh, the stories i could tell. Sadly, i don't have time to write them all, but i must share a couple of highlights with you...

Day 1:
While trying to change a patient's brief, she peed on me. Three times. No, it's not a typo-- Her regular nurse told me to transfer my patient to her wheelchair in order to clean her up (because her bed was soaked) and then help the patient stand up against her bed rail while i whip on her new brief and pull up her pants. I followed instructions carefully and had her clean pants around her ankles and the fresh brief strapped half on so that she would have to stand for as little time as possible. As she stood up, she began to spray all over the freaking place. I had no clue what to do, so i just got her to sit back down again.

Second verse, same as the first... I went and got a second set of clothes and dry brief and started the process all over again, with the same results. This time, i grabbed the soaker mat from her wheelchair and held it between her legs, trying to catch as much as possible and to prevent splashing. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but after trying unsuccessfully to contain the flow, i simply got her to sit back down again. Half way through this episode she was like, "I'm not sure, but i think i might be peeing."

Feeling slightly thwarted, i sheepishly went and asked the nurse for help so as not to soil a third set of clothes.

Day 2:
After helping a patient to the toilet, she took a wad of t.p. and looked like she was trying to wipe. I asked if she was finished and she said no, it's a bit stuck, and i need to get in there and help it out. UMMMM... No? I told her to try and relax and just pull the call bell when she is finished. I went and asked her nurse if that's required (some people do need some help!) and found out no, she shouldn't need help, but she always asks for it. Also, a little heads up to check the patient's hands when i go to get her off the toilet because she often will do a little digging on her own. (Me: GAAAAHHH). Sure enough, i'm gloving up to go back in and i see my dear friend (fellow student) wiping off our patients fingers!

Day 3:
A friend was working with our instructor to change a wet brief on a patient who was not conscious. As they took off the old one, the patient's bowels decided to start moving. Slightly. Like, passing things half-way. Not sure what to do, the student looked to the tutor for help and was instructed to "pull it out." After doing this (myself and two other students had walked in on this tragedy/comedy show), the tutor instructed her to "manually stimulate" the bowel and see if she could get him to finish the job. The nurse-to-be literally fell back from the bedside in horror. Her facial expression alone was enough to put us and the tutor in stitches.

The next day in our pre-conference chat, the same girl asked the instructor if there was a proper way to "manually stimulate" someone. The tutor had a hard time answering because we were all peeing ourselves laughing. We finally got out of it that simply inserting a couple of centimeters of your finger into the anus should do the trick. Student: "So we don't have to wiggle it or anything?" The tutor responded with a stunned look and then barely controlled laughter again as she said No! My friend couldn't breathe from laughing so hard, but held up her finger and wiggled it as she gasped, "Well, he got a little wiggle yesterday!!"

Day 4:
A patient was found to be MRSA+ (this is a nasty hospital bug that puts patients into isolation and nurses into glove and gown mode) and needed help toileting. Two of my friends went to help her. Several minutes later, i wandered down the hall to see what was taking them so long (we were late for our break!). One of them is standing at the inner door to the patient's room, madly waving her arms at me. (There are two doors to some rooms, with a small area in between). I motioned that i would gown and glove up, but she shook her head no and beckoned me to hurry. As i opened the door, they started laughing and said that the inner door locks from the inside to prevent patients from wandering. When they'd realized they were locked in, they'd pushed the call button, but nobody came. Our vivid imaginations had us all playing a part in an Alias episode involving nuclear substances that kill the scientists as they try to escape from the room, but all you can see is their faces melting down the glass...

So, as you can see, my schooling has been full of exciting adventures thus far!