Teehee

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.

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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

For some strange reason, that i cannot fathom, my betrothed sent this last one to me in an email... Care to venture a guess why? (Hint: he is a HORRIBLE driver!!)

Happy Valentine's/Family Day To You

A belated Happy Valentine's Day to each of you... even those of you who don't like/believe/practice this (slightly over-commercialized) lovey-dovey day.

I, for one, had a beautiful February 14th. *sigh*

I was in Edmonton with my husband-to-be (HTB). Who, contrary to popular belief, can be romantic. Besides the wonderful gifts (the trip there, a gigantic stuffed puppy, chocolates, and a delicious dinner out) he gave me cards. Can you believe it?! I barely could. He's not the most, erm, eloquent man you will ever meet. I can count the number of cards i've gotten from him in the last 7.5 years on my thumbs, with two to spare! (Alright, i have gotten the little cards that get stuck in flowers as well as birthday and Christmas cards, but with only his name written in them, so they don't count as much as this).

This year he gave me a funny one, which i appreciated... But secretly i was hoping for a gushy sweet one. And the next day, i got one! And another one the next day!! Seriously it was the funnest carding ever.

Oh, and we managed to squeeze in watching both Season 1 and 2 of Grey's Anatomy. Yes, we were just that lazy. And it was great. I also coerced him into watching When Harry Met Sally and French Kiss. It was Valentine's Day! I refrained from bringing out the big guns: Pride and Prejudice. I think i should wait until after the vows to try that one! Haha.

I gave him chocolates (which i helped consume :)), a sweater (which was too big), his guitar amp (which technically was his already, but i lugged it there in my suitcase), and an airplane/boat/remote-thingy. An Airhogs Storm Launcher, to be precise. Wowee, i picked a winner. Who'da thunk that a little children's toy would bring such joy to a... well to HTB. But it did! We had to go to the park and play with it everday. He had to phone two of his brothers to excitedly rant and rave about it. Ah, it feels good to have picked a keeper.

February 19th was Family Day in Alberta. How cool is that?! SOOOO cool! (Ahh, i miss Homestar Runner Teen Girl Squad). So i got to stay with HTB an extra day, and he got paid to spend it with me! I just learned that our south-of-the-border friends got that day off too, but you have to realize that we go FOURTEEN WEEKS between New Years and Easter with no holiday. And it's NOOOO good! (Wow, two in one... not bad).

So, ya, we had a fun time and now i am sad to be away from him again. Buuuuut, soon-- soon i won't have to keep flying away from him! Yippee skippy!

In the words of my friend Mick,

Old habits die hard...

Being a student really isn't as fun and exciting as i remember it being. Okay, so i'm only taking one course-- and it's a first year class at that. Haha. (Although, i must say-- to gather sympathy and such-- that it's a statistics class. I honestly think it might be worth it to poke my eyes, just to relieve some of the pressure from the horribleness of it all). And yet, i still haven't learned anything.

Yes, my friends, i phoned my betrothed* at 5:30 a.m. (which is already 6:30 his time) to say good morning. And goodnight. Because i, not having learned my lesson from 4 years of university, was just going to bed then after finishing an assignment that was due this morning. Well, technically it was due last week, but the prof graciously gave me an extension. LOL, and still, i am down to the wire.

So you can understand why my evil cold has managed to do a full recovery to grossness what with only one and a half short, but oh-so-sweet hours of sleep.

On a happier note, i went to visit the fam in K-town last weekend. And i am going again today!! Aaaaaand, in only 11 more sleeps i am going to Edmonton to see the man i love. See? Life is good, even when sleep deprived!

*I am purposefully not using "fiancé" because i am trying to boycott French.

scrub-a-dub-dub

Sadly, this is not a post about bathtubs; it is a cleanse update.

I have switched to chocolate shakes. I thought vanilla would be more pallatable in the morning, but no. Oh, and i also found out that i should have added more water if i included berries, so that is why it was such a digusting texture. But still, chocolate is the way to go.

After i got that all sorted out, it's actually gone quite well. I can eat a 'normal' meal once a day, so it's not like i'm starving myself at all. And i don't feel hungry all the time either. And let's be honest, i usually only eat one good meal a day anyway, so i'm just cutting out the crap.

Thus far, i have lost 5 lbs. (in as many days). However, continuing on the honesty track, i know exactly where those 5lbs are... they are not lost, they are simply hovering near by, waiting for me to finish this cleanse so they can jump back on. I'm okay with this. Because...

I borrowed my cousin's wedding gown last night and tried it on. Of course it doesn't fit (i knew it would be too small), buuuuut... I can get it ON, which is a great start. The only problem is that there is a large gap between zipper edges. Now, it's not like i'm willing to starve myself for the next 6 months or anything ridiculous like that, but seriously people, i've got a photographer i love, i have a new lease on the job i love, i just got accepted into the class i need for school, i've lost five pounds... With all this fun and excitement, i must continue to nurture the seed of hope i have that i might be able to fit into this dress by the end of June.

(To be continued. Or you can just come to our wedding and see for yourself!)

da-da-da-da-da-DAAAAA!...

...sung to the tune of... well whatever that tune is called.

But the main point is: I STILL HAVE A JOB!! FULL TIME!! WOOHOO!
jginarjtgiroakfdlsarmfp;es/.,b tyu8ioa;r32l!!!

This is all very exciting to me.

*sigh*

i'd rather be dirty

So, today i started an isagenix cleanse. Yes, it does remind me of a creepy pyramid company, but i figured it's always good to give it a go. I was wrong.

This morning as i tried to choke down my first meal-replacement shake, i thought, "Waaaaah!" Oh, i also thought that, despite the blueberries i added for good measure, the gooey dough-like substance trying to pull off being called a shake was the single most HEINOUS thing ever. Seriously, if i was offered a dirty nappy to lick and never have to drink another evil shake again, i'd consider the nappy, people!!

Needless to say, it was a chore. Between gagging on the goop, dry heaving between every swallow, and downing two glasses of water, it's no wonder that i felt nauseous for the next four hours. Aha! That must be how it helps you lose weight-- it makes you feel so gross that the idea of putting anything in your mouth for the next week sends you into convulsions. It's all starting to make sense now. Well, in any case, i am starting to think that the forty extra pounds of love i am carrying around is not so bad after all.

p.s. i am supposed to consume two of those gawdawful things a day. i am going to my sister's tonight, so i thought i'd get it over with at breakfast and lunch. however, i was too traumatized to try again at lunch, so i had nothing. nothing! you know something is wrong when i pick nothing over something. sheesh.

plans?!

Why is it that some people are planners and others are not? It is a mystery to me. I am a planner. I love planning. I love dreaming about things and watching them come to be. However, as i have winched about before, planning one's own wedding is not as fun and exciting as one might expect it to be.

I have no wedding plans. There are 177 days left until the big day. And absolutely nothing is confirmed. I am not worried about this. Many other people are.

I have bigger fish to fry. For example, my job. (Which we still cannot discuss, because i am still in the dark about what the heckle and jeckle is going on with it. But i should know something more at the end of next week).

But for those of you who like all this ridiculousness, i will leave you with a picture. It is of me trying to squeeze into a wedding gown two sizes too small. (Much like the Grinch who Stole Christmas). Fear not, no one (besides my ego) was hurt in the taking of these pictures. My friend Janice took these; it is her friend's dress. I like Julia's dress better, but this one is beautiful and might be the closest fit.

The ICE Idea

A recent article from the Toronto Star, "The ICE Idea", is catching on and it is a very simple, yet important method of contact for you or a loved one in the case of an emergency. As cell phones are carried by the majority of the population, all you need to do is program the number of a contact person or persons and store the name as "ICE".

The idea was thought up by a paramedic who found that when they went to the scenes of accidents, there were always mobile phones with patients, but they didn't know which numbers to call. He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognized name to file 'next of kin' under.

Following a disaster in London the East Anglican Ambulance Service has launched a national "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY (ICE)" campaign. The idea is that you store the word "ICE" in your mobile phone address book, and with it enter the number of the person you would want to be contacted "In Case of Emergency". In an emergency situation, emergency services personnel and hospital staff would then be able to quickly contact your next of kin, by simply dialing the number programmed under "ICE".

Please forward this. It won't take too many forwards before everybody will know about this. It really could save your life, or put a loved one's mind at rest. For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1, ICE2, ICE3 etc. A great idea that will make a difference!

Well, i'm not sure how this "really could save my life," but it's a good idea, just the same.
This would also be a good time to thank the nice Albion Ferry workers for dialling "dad" and leaving a message when my sister left her cell phone on the ferry.
Also, this is a good defense for why i programmed my number into JM's phone under "My Honey." Teehee.

Christmas Is Coming!

1. Egg Nog, Mulled Cider, or Hot Chocolate?
Hot Chocolate. Starbucks makes the yummiest peppermint hot chocolate with whipped cream and peppermint sprinkles. (But beware, their reg. hc is grody to the max).
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree?
Oh, he just delivers them. Mrs. Clause does the wrapping bit.
3. Do you decorate the outside of your home with lights? Any other displays?
Yes, of course! Lots of lights. (But noooo leaving them up all year!)
4. Poinsettias, Holly or Mistletoe?
Poinsettias, although holly is quite beautiful. And mistletoe is oh! so practical.
5. When do you put up your decorations?
November 12th. Right after Remembrance Day. And they have to come down by Valentine's Day so those decorations get their chance to shine!
6. Do you prefer to give or receive?
Giving is so much fun. My mom is the best person to give presents too-- she honestly loves everything and is so happy about it. (If you tell me she's just pretending, i'll send bad karma your way!)
7. Cut tree, live tree, artificial tree, or Festivus pole?
This year, artificial. But i do love cut/live trees because they smell soooo good.
8. Have you ever made a gingerbread house?
Yes, but not for a long time. I would rather have cookies than candies.
9. Do you display a nativity scene?
Several. It's just so peaceful and awe-inspiring. Not to mention the reason behind all the hulubaloo.
10. When did you learn the truth about Santa?
I don't remember. I think i always knew. We always got presents from Santa and had our pictures taken with him and wrote letters... but it was never the focus. He was (is?) like a fun, imaginary part of the celebration of Jesus' birth.
11. Snow! Love it or dread it?
Shudder! I despise snow.
12. Can you ice skate?
Yes. Although i try to avoid it. The whole, "freezing cold, pillow strapped to my butt, toes getting pinched" ordeal just doesn't excite me.
13. Do you open your gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?
We're allowed to open one on Christmas Eve, our stockings on Christmas morning (and maybe one or two little ones), and the others when we meet up with the rest of the fam on Christmas afternoon.
14. What is the most important thing about the holidays for you?
Being with family. Just sitting quietly in front of a fire, surrounded by soft lights and decorations, soaking up the peace Christmas brings.
15. What is your favorite holiday cookie?
There are many: Russian Teacakes (also dubbed "Mexican Weddingcakes"), Rocky Mountain Christmas Candy, Almond Cookies (with pink and blue and green icing), Fudge, Peanutbutter Chocolate Balls and... well, really, is there any other time that we set aside days and days for baking?!
16. What tops your tree?
An angel, but she's a bit tipsy-- i'll have to look for a new one.
17. What is your favorite Christmas song?
Right now? O Holy Night. Because i just got the Third Day "Christmas Offerings" album and Mac Powell sounds so dreamy when he belts out "oh niiiight divIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIne..." near the end. *sigh*
18. What is your favorite Christmas movie or story?
Love Actually. While You Were Sleeping. The Grinch.
19. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
SLURP! Yum-yum! I am practically drooling just thinking about Edaleen Dairy Candy Cane Ice Cream.
20. Do you send Christmas cards?
Usually I am too late. So i write up a few and hand them out when i see people at our annual open house or the Christmas Eve service at church.
21. What kind of lights do you decorate your Christmas tree with?
White lights. This year my tree has gold ribbon and glittery pointsettas on it. It's so beautiful. But if i had time and energy, i would do it up like we used to at home: homemade strings of popcorn, dried apple slices, and cranberries.
One year we were string popcorn and my sister couldn't figure out why we were getting so far ahead of her. She finally looked down beside her, where the string was hanging over the edge of her chair, and saw our little puppy had wedged himself between her chair and the fireplace and was happily feasting on her decoration!
22. Favorite Christmas memory as a child?
Baking with my mom and sisters. Listening to Grandpa read the Christmas story. Laughing with Nana. Opening presents!
23. Best present that you have received?
The ghetto-blaster we were each given the year my parents got married.
24. Turkey, Ham, Seafood, or Soup for your holiday dinner?
Turkey. Always. I absolutely love it. We only make it twice a year, so no need to vary.
25. Describe your favorite Christmas ornament.
Every year my parents give us an ornament. My mom painted one that has a button on the back that plays music. I also love the ancient one that has a teeny nativity scene in a white mesh half-bulb.

Old dog, new trick

One day Cuddles the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep trouble now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on them with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike. A look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard so off he goes. The old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet. Just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says "Now where's that darned monkey? I sent him off over an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Moral of this story:
Don't mess with old geezers... age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! B.S. and brilliance only come with age and experience.