read, then comment...

...this is how the blogosphere works. i think people who read blogs without commenting are devious. and people (especially of the male gender) who are referred to, directly or indirectly, should be banished from this site. and that's all i have to say about that. but after venting all that, i will try to clarify a few things. (this post is not funny or even slightly entertaining, so feel free to stop reading at any point).

the trouble with love is* that it doesn't consult the wisdom of the brain before lavishing itself on someone. and once you give your love to someone, it's very difficult-- perhaps impossible-- to get back.

for example, in my quest to find a husband-- a daunting task to be sure-- i have made many mistakes. people who marry their high school sweethearts are so smart (unless they are big fat jerk faces). if you fall in love with too many people, do you run out of love? i'd hate to think so, but it's such a mystery.

after high school, i fell in love with bf1 (some of you have met him on previous posts). we dated for over four years and off and on for a couple of years after that. he knows me better than i know myself. most of our friends think that we will eventually end up back together. part of me wants that, but part of me doesn't fully trust him yet. and then the complications begin...

next came bf2, the philosopher (you have also met him, but i'm pretty sure i deleted the most descriptive post). he is funny, thoughtful, wonderful, and the most amazing... well, you know. however, due to significantly different worldviews, and his stubbornness not to change ;) we both acknowledged our relationship wouldn't work.

now, well, i just don't know. noen is quite fabulous. he is hilarious and kind and smart. he is a very good friend, but how do you know if someone should be allowed past the 'friends only' section? and i certainly don't want to hurt anybody by getting into a relationship that i'm not ready or willing to commit to. but how do you find that out without trying it out?

one of the problems is that i can't help but compare and contrast. (another good reason for not dating too many people). there are great things about ex1 and ex2 that would be unrealistic to expect to find in someone else. i mean, you can't take all the great things from past bfs and find someone with all those qualities and no flaws.

i think that part of me will always love bf1, and i still love the philosopher, but it doesn't matter. except that it doesn't really leave me with much to offer noen, or whoever might come along later. it doesn't help that i don't know what i want, much less how to get it.
(it probably also doesn't help that i was back with my ex this weekend; he's like a magnet, it's not my fault. okay, yes it is my fault. i just don't knoooooooooow.)

perhaps i will become a nun and move to a convent.


*no, we are not endorsing kelly

the date

Well, Jess, i'm not sure where you hear these rumors, but yes, yes i did go on a date. *sigh* :)

Noen is a very nice boy. In fact, just the other night, we were chatting on the phone and i was stressing out about an important meeting i had and i told him that my tummy hurt from it. He was busy working on work stuff at home, but he drove all the way over to my house just to bring me a bottle of ginger ale to help settle my tummy. So sweet, or what?!

Anyways, our dates thus far have consisted of movies, coffees, rollerblading, park walks... and no kissing. I'm not sure how i feel about this.

To be continued... ;)

someone had to take the blame

common house fly on the wall
ain't you got no sense at all
can't you see your about to get splattered
get out of here you crazy... common house fly

The thing is, if the common house fly had just been sitting on the wall, he wouldn't have bothered me. And if he had, i could have just whacked him with my rolled up newspaper and been done with him. (Yes, it's a him. A female would never irritate me so much). But noooo, Farley the Fly felt the need to buzz about, driving me to drink.

Dear Farley,
Thank you for giving me a healthy outlet for my pent up frustrations from letting myself get drawn into yet another relationship that is just. so. frustrating. I'm not a hoochie mama or anything, but sometimes a girl just needs a little PDA (public or private would be fine at this point). I'm sorry about the loss of your wing.
Love, The girl wildly swinging the newspaper around her office in what seemed like an interpretive dance of someone going crazy due to look-but-don't-touch syndrome.

it's hot

i love the heat. i love it a little bit less when i am sitting in traffic, sticking to my seat because sylvia was born before air conditioning was invented. :)

but there are so many great things that make my heart smile today, including:
-planning to go for a picnic tonight and the best park ever
-having freshly waxed legs, perfect for showing off under cool skirts
-remembering the delicious belini i devoured at milestone's last night
-being hot (yes, i'm gorgeous, but i also mean temperature wise)
-spending time with noen last night *sigh*

just ask!

i saved $500!! okay, so it wasn't my money and it wasn't really getting money back, but i am quite happy about it just the same. my sister's bf had his car impounded last month (don't ask, it's a long story). for only $1053.72, he could get his '85 honda accord back. riiiiight... don't we all have a grand just sitting around waiting to be wasted?!

i have been known to finangle 'deals' in the past, so my sister enlisted my help to get the car out. after negotiating with several people at the tow yard and batting my eyelashes several times, i was able to have the bill cut in half. hooray! i am not mag-cover pretty, i am not einstein brilliant. all i'm sayin is ask! and be persistant. it's worth it.

~~~~~~~

sylvia and i are back together; thick as thieves. sylvia, for those of you who haven't met her, is my 1986 toyota corolla. she is quite cute, but i haven't driven her for a while because i've had company vehicles the last week. i'm glad to have sylvia back, but i enjoyed driving other vehicles to work because (as whinged about previously) gas is crazy expensive. i think a gallon converts to about 4 litres. ergo, i am paying dangerously close to five bucks a gallon to quench sylvia's thirst. no thanks. sylvia, it's time you went on a diet. i think you should start drinking kool-aid instead of petrol.

my darling sister gave sylvia a make-over. cleaned two boxes and three bags of shiza out of her and vacuumed and scrubbed everything. she looks great! now i just have to sort through all that stuff that was in the trunk...

yes, yes, no

-yes, i still have a cold
-yes, it means i feel icky
-no, i haven't kissed noen (i have a cold, people!!)

-yes, i still feel compelled to bail people out
-yes, i know i shouldn't take on other people's burdens
-no, i don't like it, but i do it just the same

-yes, i am excited about going to see my family this weekend
-yes, gas is a buck twenty a liter*
-no, i won't be able to drive for much longer

-yes, i am still looking for a new home
-yes, i want to live by myself
-no, i won't lower myself to living in surrey (i'm not that desperate!)

*it's actually $1.20/litre, but i didn't want to confuse our friends south of the 49th

in like update

yes, i am still in like. usually this period does not last for too long and often i am anxious to fast forward. however, i am choosing to be uncharacteristically patient and see what happens. i don't like the nervousness part and the i-can't-phone-him-yet-because-i-don't-want-him-to-think-i'm-needy-or-clingy part. but i am enjoying the "he's so great and i like him so much-- mostly because i don't know him well enough to know the irritating parts about him, so for now i can pretend that those things don't exist, or at least are endearing instead of annoying" part.

on sunday, we went to my favouritest park ever and had a super fun day. he doesn't like it when people put an "n" on the end of his name, so of course, i feel the need to call him "steve-no-en" because i'm mature like that. in spite of my immaturity and gross cold, he still likes me. [how can you act cool or even the slightest bit sexy when you sound like an old lounge singer and don't look much better?!] hopefully i can keep myself under control so i don't mess it up.

i would like to give a shout out to anika who is the best soulmate ever. very self-sacrificing. especially when we were at starbucks last night with noen. i took a swig of my london fog, but it was much hotter than i thought, so i involuntarily pulled the cup away from my mouth-- without tipping it up first. as you can imagine, this caused a dribble of tea to cascade from my mouth down to the floor. ahhh, yes, if i can't impress him with my sinus congestion, i can impress him with my lack of social skills. *sigh*

the only thing to do was to cover my mouth and laugh at my, erm, spill. after anika got her uproarious gales of laughter under control [i'm furrowing my brows at you!] she asked me if it would make me feel better if she did the same thing. yes, of course!

so dearest anika took a sip of her steamed milk, and then fountained it out of her mouth onto the table. that in itself was a beautiful thing and very kind and generous. the icing on the cake was that the starbucks guy was walking by right then, cleaning tables. he kind of looked at anika with a smirk and asked if she wanted him to clean that up. LOL.

... That's what friends are for...

the good, the bad, and...

the good: i have a nice, cute, funny new crush
the bad: i have a helluva cold
the ugly: i have two big blisters on me feet from rollerblading with ncf-crush

I think my feet are extremely great grace extenders for sacrificing themselves in the pursuit of looooooove. *sigh*

[or at least like, but that doesn't sound nearly as dreamy].

one more thing

On a more positive note, Anika met the cute crush last night-- and she approves!! :)

And even though she was having a horribly crap day, she still was excited with me and was envisioning our babies... oh MY! haha, i have the best sm ever.

TGIF... or not

bad karma. or, 'reasons i should have stayed in bed this morning'.
-my poor soulmate still has a headache
-my poor sister discovered a dead critter and a flood in our basement last night
-our water had to be shut off for the second day in a row
-i had to flirt with the little mexican to get the critter removed before i could get the plumber in
-i was late for work
-it is 30C in my office (maybe 85F?) b/c the heater is still broken